Tapatio: The New Holy Water?

A Guest Post by Donald Glista, Esquire…

Frank’s Red Hot sauce anyone? When I was a young whippersnapper, I would leap from my chair in joy to grab the luscious bottle of Frank’s and delightfully continue to pour at least a quarter of the bottle on any form of rations in front of me. Today, however, I am now older and wiser and live in San Diego. If there is one thing I have learned from my tenure in this beautiful city, it is that Frank’s has become almost obsolete from my vocabulary. I now turn to the enchanting bottle of Tapatio. If you are yet to try Tapatio then add it to your 2009 New Year’s resolution. Tapatio is a full bodied sauce. It is well balanced with a touch of heat and elegance. This sauce is perfect for the consumer who desires flavor over heat. While at the same time, do not shy away if you desire heat because I guarantee it will clear your sinus passages by the end of your meal.

Now at this point, if you consider yourself a connoisseur of hot sauce as I personally do, then you may be skeptical. Let me assure you however, that I have been around the block. My days of education in the subject of Hot Sauce began when I was a young boy. I have tried almost every bottle you may find in your local grocery store. Frank’s Red Hot; Cholula; Red Rooster; Dave’s Insanity Sauce (not recommended unless a practical joke is involved); Tabasco (all forms including Habanera, Chipotle, and original); Sri Racha etc. Anyone who knows me can vouch that when I eat any type of food, I swathe my sustenance with so much hot sauce that I begin to perspire under my eyes so much that it is comparable to the glorious waters succumbing to the magnificent force of the Niagara Falls. It is a vice which plagues my life and makes meals particularly embarrassing especially when I have the privilege of escorting a woman to dinner. However, I feel my pallet is not fulfilled until the beads of sweat begin to flow from pours as steadily as a Kenyan running a low altitude marathon.

In conclusion, Tapatio ranks supreme in my book. Personally, a breakfast burrito is neither the same nor complete without Tapatio both soaking its contents and dripping from the tortilla which wraps its delicious insides. As Bob Dylan says, “The times they are a changin’.” As this country is continuing its time of change with President Barack Obama taking office, I believe it is a time for change in all of us. Make this year and the years to come, a time when we all have the courage to make the change from whatever hot sauce it is that you have stood by for so many years, to the full bodied and well balanced flavor of Tapatio. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you Tapatio…

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