Archive for July, 2009

AFC North Preview

July 30, 2009

The recent news of Reuben Amaro making Mark Shapiro his bitch has been the icing on the dump of a cake that was the 2009 Cleveland Indians. For MLB fans like me whose teams have officially taken a crap on the season, it is time to move on and talk about the only two important things in life right now: Entourage and the anticipation of football season. What better way to combine the only two reasons for getting out of bed in the morning, than by previewing the AFC North using characters from Entourage (I would argue that so far this season of Entourage has been uneventful and borderline boring, but I have faith things will heat up).

Pittsburgh Steelers – Ari Gold

The undisputed most popular character of the show and the best team in the division. Both characters continue to have the best seasons of the bunch and each can be considered the sole reasons a majority of the world pays attention to their respective show/division. Each is starting off this season with a member of their team not being able to keep their slingshot in the holster. Both Roethlisberger’s rape allegations and Andrew Klein’s extra-marital affair could have major implications on this year’s season, but it’s not likely. Fans of the Steelers/Ari typically have few friends and watch the show/game at home by themseleves so they can have something to say to their co-workers who otherwise ignore them. Look for strong seasons out of both as the potential for greatness is always lurking in the background.

Baltimore Ravens – Vincent Chase

You can guarantee that they will both produce a solid season each and every year. They always seem to be in the running for the most interesting character/team but virtually always take a backseat to another team’s/character’s storyline. On the surface they seem strong with very few faults, but as you dig deeper there is always some insecurity that threatens their season. Is Vince really back and will he continue to be offered huge movies? Can the Ravens really compete in the division or for a title with those wide receivers and an aging defense? Look for solid seasons out of both, but neither will climb the mountain and regain what they once were.

Cincinnati Bengals – Johnny Drama

You can always count on a good laugh from each, though both have remained quiet so far this year. We have grown to expect the Bengals to be in trouble with the law and Drama to do something ridiculous. Though both are funny at times, Drama is clearly the douche bag of the show and the Bengals continue to be the douche bag of the division. Fans of these two can be heard screaming their battle cries “Who Dey?!” and “Victory!” with no regard to appropriate time or place. Fans of the Bengals/Drama think screaming these cheers is totally awesome, when in reality the cries are an effective vagina repellent. Look for both to do something stupid or hilarious this year that will make them the talk of the show/division for a week before they slink back off into mediocrity.

Cleveland Browns – Turtle

The classic underachiever of the show/division. Neither has ever found success on the show or within the division. Both show signs of life at times, but continue to be a minor player in the big picture. Confusion has been the theme for both thus far this season. Will Turtle go back to school or start his own business? Will it be Brady Quinn or Derek Anderson at the helm this year for the Browns? In the end, whether it’s business school or starting a business – Brady Quinn or Derek Anderson – does either decision really matter? There are signs that the Browns/Turtle may be heading towards overachieving this season. Turtle has somehow landed Jamie Lynn Sigler and is motivated to do something with his life. The Browns somehow have a happy Shaun Rogers and Braylon Edwards, a seemingly competent head coach for the first time in years and a cupcake schedule. Look for above average seasons out of both.

Add to List: Manny, Big Papi

July 30, 2009

Two of the most integral parts of the Boston Red Sox 86 year drought-ending World Series Championship were included on a list of roughly 100 players that had tested positive for performance enhancing drugs in 2003. This according to lawyers with access to the list. Baseball first tested for steroids in 2003, but the list was supposed to remain anonymous. That first round of testing has since surfaced and included names like Barry Bonds, David Segui, Alex Rodriguez and Sammy Sosa. So can it be assumed that the Red Sox cheated their way to breaking the Curse? If so, then I think we would have to agree, as most do already, that Barry Bonds cheated his way to beating Hammerin’ Hank. With all of this coming to light, and seemingly something new coming out everyday, I think it is time to make the penalty stiffer. How would the Dodgers fair without Manny for the rest of their season? Maybe bump the first offense to 100 games or even the entire season. I think a player would think twice about injecting if they knew they would lose their entire season and seriously jeopardize their career. It is time for baseball to figure out a way to weed out the natural talent from the bums with needles.

Source: NY Times

July 30, 2009

These Links bring the Thunder…

Women in Love with a Roller Coaster. Literally. [Blog of Hilarity]
Listomania [Friends of the Program]
Megan Fox is a Genius [Manofest]
Name to Know: Fu-Te Nu [More Hardball]
No Triple Crown for Pittsburgh [Sharapova’s Thigh]
Martinez to Red Sox or Rays? [Fan Nation]
Hey! Move that F’in Thing: A Gallery [Holy Taco]
The Bakers NFL Preview: The Cleveland Browns [Rumors and Rants]
Two Odd Couple Mash Ups for Your Listening Entertainment [Bro Bible]
I Never Knew That the Phillies and Indians Were the Same Team [No Guts, No Glory]
Jay Mariotti Makes Kids Cry [Awful Announcing]
Braylon Update (And More Brown Bitches!) [Cleveland Frowns]

Hump Day Hottie: Rachael Taylor

July 29, 2009

This weeks Hump Day Hottie comes to us all the way from Australia. I know most of you think the only good things to come out of Australia are Crocodile Dundee, Nicole Kidman (think Days of Thunder) and Kangaroos; but you may remember Rachael as one of the computer “nerds” from the first Transformers. Not only is she gorgeous, but the accent from the movie is her real accent. Sweet. That means if she is an 8, she is now a 10. An accent on a girl does so much for her rating it is ridiculous. I think it is standard that an accent bumps a babe up 2 notches from where they would be with no accent. This also holds true for southern belles. I was sad when I didn’t get to see Rachael in the second installment of the Transformers series, but I think Megan Fox more than made up for it. Thanks Megs. Also, Rachael recently turned 25, so Thunder Treats would like to extend a Happy Belated Birfday and a hug that turns awkward after we hold on a little too long, to this weeks Hump Day Hottie>

TT’s Hottest Tv Co-Star Contest : Ashley Jones

July 28, 2009

Next up in ThunderTreats newest contest is Southern Belle Ashley Jones. Ashley is a slender 5’7″ bombshell who is an avid Obama fan. She enters the contest under the role of Daphne, a waitress and shape shifter, on HBO’s hit series True Blood. I thoroughly watch every episode waiting to catch a glimpse of at least on of her chesticles but it turns out she’s just a tease for this season with a non-nudity clause in her contract. Ashley is no stranger to the TV world. In her 15+ years of acting, she’s landed roles in Dr. Quinn Medicine Women, Young and the Restless, some other cheesy shows, then ending up on the Bold and the Beautiful. But since this is ThunderTreats, I’m hoping that none of our readers have actually watched any of those shows, exception to Sir Dubz who likes his soaps, and only recognize her as the sexy Caterer from Old School that got taken into the bathroom. For now, enjoy the more edgy Ashley Jones as she stirs up drama in True Blood. Hopefully she’ll scratch the no nudity clause in next seasons contract.

I’m Not Sayin, I’m Just Sayin…

July 27, 2009

Thunder Links

July 27, 2009

These Links bring the Thunder…

Brett Favre to Annoy You with Ads for Sears Now [Awful Announcing]
Tub Girls: A Gallery [Holy Taco]
Damn Pigs [More Hardball]
Welcome To Manchester, Carlos! [Rumors and Rants]
Thigh of the Week: Jennifer Hawkins[Sharapova’s Thigh]
This Dog is Probably Cooler than You [Blog of Hilarity]
T.O. : Goodell Needs to go to Jail [Fan Nation]
Ron Artest Rapping in China [Sharapova’s Thigh]
At Least he Didn’t Spike Himself [Rumors and Rants]
There will be No “Throwin Up Da’ U” at a UF Football Camp [No Guts, No Glory]
Nick Saban Wants to Know Whether Your Hands are Clean or Stare at your Tits [Friends of the Program]
A 99 Photo Tribute to Bikini Cleavage [Manofest]

Hangin’ with Danny Ferry

July 24, 2009

DiLo and I have long been avid admirers of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Some of our earliest childhood memories stem from cheering on the Cleveland professional sports scene as youngsters, and the Cavs teams of the late ’80’s-early 90’s featuring Mark Price, Brad Daugherty, Larry Nance, Craig Ehlo, and John “Hot Rod” Williams were certainly no exception. But the one man that just might have been the glue of those great Cavs squads throughout his ten-year tenure was Daniel John Willard “Danny” Ferry. Born a man in Baltimore, Maryland on October 17th, 1966, Ferry parlayed a very successful college career with the Duke Blue Devils into being chosen with the 2nd overall pick in the 1989 NBA draft by the Los Angeles Clippers. After refusing to play for the Clips (who wouldn’t?), he was eventually traded to Cleveland before the 1990 season. From there, he became a lynch pin for the successful Cavs teams that seemingly lived in the Conference Finals, yet just couldn’t find a way to get past Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. With his passion for the game, stunning physique and ravishingly good looks, Danny Ferry was a man that all women wanted and all men wanted to be.
In May of this year, we caught wind of some rumor winds speculating that Ferry might be having a get-together with some of the Cavs management in Medina, OH to thank them for all of their hard work in piecing together the huge Shaq trade with the Phoenix Suns. After hearing the rumors, we were highly skeptical of the potential gathering and forgot about it soon after. However, our good buddy Jack Potts placed a call to us in late June describing how the space for his wedding ceremony was under attack from an unknown party that was threatening to outbid the wedding party. Could it be? Could this have been the work of Danny Ferry and his minions? Without wasting another minute, we both booked plane tickets (from Las Vegas and Chicago, respectively) as we had not originally planned on attending the Potts wedding. Simply put, the thought of seeing Danny Ferry up close (and in a bar setting, no less) was simply too tingling a thought to pass up.
As the wedding ceremony wore on, we spent about 50% of our time at the bar and 45% searching the premises for the elusive Danny Ferry (there was about 5% taken up by me catching the garter belt).We wandered in and out of every room in the place and questioned every worker without a shred of luck. Our dreams were looking dim, and they were running out of tequila. Then, suddenly, I looked across the dance floor and saw the Man, the Myth, the Legend. Was that really him, or had the booze generated a mirage?? We sprinted across the dance floor with cameras in hand, and ended up with this incredible Kodak moment! Jeb, Danny, and DiLo, like it was meant to be. We had a long chat about the bitter taste of defeat at the end of the Orlando series, the rejuvenation after the incredible trade for Shaq, and then his very recent signing of Anthony Parker. I don’t want to spoil his exact thoughts concerning the upcoming ’09-’10 season, but let’s just say that hopes are sky high in Cleveland. It turns out that he decided not to outbid the Potts wedding, but had just finished a day of golf and decided to wander in to the rocking party. The man was truly a gentleman, and for us two lucky guys, was part of a night that we won’t soon forget. Now, if I could only get this stunning photo autographed…
The following morning, as we were recounting our interactions with Danny, we were catching heat from our friends claiming that we were full of shit. We told them we would prove it and we went to get the camera. We passed around the digital camera with our heads held high…that is…until it came around to Jack Potts who quickly proclaimed.

“Hey jackasses, that’s my Dad”.

Whatever, under the extreme state of inebriation I think that anyone would have made the same mistake. DiLo and myself will continue to tell the story how we remember it…

Jammin on the one, Jammin on the one

July 23, 2009

Have you ever broken a puerto rican dude’s arm for sweat pants money?
You ever throw a chuwawha off the roof of the projects?
Have you ever got a female pregnant when you was like 7?
Have you ever Dream with Charlie? Do you know what a Dig is? If so, do you bop with you’re dig? Have you ever done the Potato Chip or Bill Crosby? I introduce Thunder Nation to one of my favorite comedians, Tracy Morgan as Donal Henderson….CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!

Thunder Links

July 23, 2009

These Links bring the Thunder…

ESPN Bans NY Post [Awful Announcing]
Girls on Their Knees: A Gallery [Holy Taco]
BoSox Square Dance [More Hardball]
Kesha Ni’Cole Nichols Tells the Tale of Being Dumped by Email [No Guts No Glory]
Why I Don’t Like the SEC’s New TV Deal [Major League Jerk]
Michael Vick Spent his First Night out of Federal Custody Like Any Man Would: At a Strip Club [The Big Lead]
Bosh Laughs at the Idea of Joining the Knicks [Fan Nation]
Lakers, Odom Talking Again. Close to Deal? [Rumors and Rants]
You’re Wife’s a Whore, You’re Fired [Blog of Hilarity]
Maybe I’ll Finally go into Starbucks: Booze May Be on the Way [Sharapova’s Thigh]
What’s the Newest Trend in the Evolution of the High School Party? [Bro Bible]