Archive for the ‘Monty Brewster’ Category

Remember when this wasn’t Bogus?

July 17, 2009

On a recent flight home to the midwest I started thinking about things that use to be pretty cool but have taken a major hit in the Thunder Treats popularity contest. I can guarantee all of these things have affected each of your lives… that’s a Thunder Treats guarantee! Sit back, relax, and enjoy the fads that made our childhoods not suck.

***Attention Spring Breakers*** nothing screams douche bag louder then a fresh paint job to your dome. Whether you’re just frosting the tips or completely tagging your noggin your street cred plummets faster then Monty Brewster’s bank account with the simple fact that you’re a guy and you like to accessorize. If this sounds like you then I suggest losing the tilted visor, dropping your collar and throw in the towel.

You can still spot a fresh pair of jean shorts depending on where you call home. Jean shorts are still being rocked extremely hard in the Chulo community in and around San Diego and apparently in the south also (see right). Whether they hang to your ankles or you’re just showing off some guy thigh, jorts no longer cut it. Plain and simple… I’d rather receive an awful waffle compliment of Eddie “Donkey Lips” Galvin then allow Jean shorts to once again be part of my attire.

Personally I like most males never thought much of Beanie Babies but something that was as popular as these need to catch some heat. The most fun these dolls ever provided was firing these piles of rubbish at my siblings during battle. Not hard enough to make them cry but packed enough punch to let them know I meant business. Outside of a little sibling hazing this waste of money get stamped BOGUS!

Long gone are the days of East coast vs. West coast. There’s no more Death Row records, N.W.A, Tupac, or Biggie. Today hip-hop is controlled by the likes of Lil Wayne and T-Pain. Some may call what Weezy spits rap but not this guy; the noise pollution he delivers sounds more like a nursery rhyme with a mediocre beat then anything else. Thunder Treats is ready for his next collaboration featuring Big Bird and Mother Goose. Rap music post Y2K = a fart sandwich that we are all contempt with eating. 

Arguably one of college footballs best receivers within the last 10 years, Charles Rogers professional career has not exactly popped off. Once considered bomb.com Charlie is now like the majority of Americans… unemployed and overweight. Drafted in the top 10 by Detroit during the Matt Millen era (enough said) this former Biletnikoff Award winner can be labeled a limp wiener.

Raise your hand if Ice and Storm use to make your 10 year old wiener chub a bit… Now that everyone’s hands are in the air let’s talk about how its recent return in 2008 folded like a lawn chair. Without the sweet sound of Mike Adamle and Larry Csonka this revival was short lived. Hulk Hogan hosting anything remotely intense works as well as the Suck-Cut from Wayne’s World.

I can’t recall a doll or toy with as much hype as Elmo unless of course the jelly tool belt is up for debate. During the holiday season of 19 naughty 6 these things were coming off the shelves faster then Luis Mendoza in open ice. This furry pile of shit made Tyco Oprah rich and made Christmas shopping more brutal then ever.